Ask a Devil
by Verte114
Summary: You got questions? Wanna know why Vergil's a prick? Why Dante never wears a shirt? How much wood can a woodchuck chuck? Why the sky is blue? Well Dante and Vergil have all your answers. rated M for posible language and sexual stuffs.
1. Welcome to Hell!

HEY ALL, IT'S ME DANTE! WE HEAR YOU ALL HAVE QUESTIONS FOR US!

_Dante….you're shouting…-pinches bridge of nose- They'll go deaf before you even finish explaining our plans._

Yeah yeah…get that stick out of your ass Vergil…ANYWAYS GENTLEMEN AND SEXY HOT BABES! THIS IS YOUR CHANCE TO ASK THE DEVILISHLY SEXY ME….AND…THAT OTHER GUY…MR. STICK UP THE ASS..-POINTS TO VERGIL- ANY QUESTIONS YOU MIGHT HAVE FOR US…LIKE…HOW I GOT SO AMAZINGLY SEXY~

_Or possibly an intelligent question? Also..Dante…"hot sexy babes?" didn't you just come out of the closet last week?_

-face goes dark- shut up Vergil! –aims ebony and ivory at him-

_-stares blankly at him before kicking him and firing a blue magical sword at him- Basically…in a review….ask us any questions you might have about us or others. Including our…mother. shudders-_

OR DAD! THAT HOT SEXY PIECE OF ASS!

_Where I got my looks from. –chuckles-_

YEAH RIGHT! PRICK!

_-fires another in sword at him-_

-shoots him with ebony and ivory at the same time but gets hit and falls-

_-slices his hand with Yamato as he falls-_

-growls and pulls out Rebellion standing up-

-Eva walks in and grabs both the boys by their ears- Sorry about that…my boys will happily answer any and all questions you have. Just leave your questions in reviews and we'll answer them in the next chapter. NOT FIGHTING OF COURSE!

**~~~Author Notes~~~  
><strong>If you don't quite understand what the two sexy idiot twins are saying, basically review ANY and ALL questions (doesn't have to be about DMC at all) and they will answer in the next chap. When a new chap comes out depends on how many questions they get, but most likely about once a week.


	2. Straight from the Twins

Answers-Chapter 2 Dante's answers are underlined and Vergil's are italicized.

**dantes-silent-huntress  
><strong>Dante - why *are* you so sexy? And why are you such a pervert? Also, what do you think of the reboot?  
>Vergil - How come your sexier than your brother? I mean, your twins! And how do you keep your hair up?<br>Thanks guys *blows kiss*

I get it from my father. He gave me sexy juice to drink every morning. 

I'm a pervert because it's side effect of the juice.

Uhhh….welll….reboot? Oh…you mean..the me twilight wanna be version of me? Vergil and I already killed him. On a more serious level though…and yes, I can be serious…it's ok…for the most part…I went through a little bit of emo phase at that age. It's Vergil's fault…also…he switched my shampoo with black hair dye. 

_I'm so much sexier than my fool hearty brother because I live in hell. Where do you think our father got his looks from? Also, I dink TWO glasses of sexy juice every morning. Because the two glasses cancel each other's perverted side effect out I don't go after anything with a reproductive organ like Dante does._

As for my lovely hair, I start with a quality shampoo and conditioner. Then rise and repeat. As for the product I use to keep my hair up, I have a condition where I sweat hair gel. So all I have to do to maintain my gorgeous look is simply run a single hand through my hair.

**peacefullycrazy  
><strong>QUESTION: Why are there two stories with the exact same contents? QUESTION: Why does Vergil slice his bro's arm when Dante reaches out for him in DMC3?

_To answer this question...it's because we each have our own personal accounts...and we posted a preview of this on those accounts to get it more publicity since we both have readers. Those will be taken down in a matter of a week. We wanted to get the word out and lead people here to ask their questions...Seif114 gets a ton of readers. I get my own and it's a good way to get the word out about it._

I refuse to touch that repulsive thing without knowing EVERYWHERE his hand has been.

Vergil…shouldn't you know better than anyone where my hand has been? That's not the only time he's sliced my hand either. He does it for stupid things like…ate Vergil's pizza share….carelessly waved hand while Vergil was chopping down a fly in the air. A painful response for a good morning hug attempt. Vergil doesn't like losing against me in games(or anything else actually), tried to catch Yamato by its blade…as Vergil loves to throw it at me here and there. Vergil doesn't like high fives .—referenced to a picture by Spardeth on -. 

**NefariousSeraph13  
><strong>Who is Nero's daddy?

_Ju…just..go read The Origin of Nero. Please. It's on our profile. That will explain EVERYTHING._

**Bubbly12  
><strong>Vergil if you went out with Dante what what would your reacton be? If this question happens to be disturbing I'm sorry for asking.  
>Also Vergil who's you favorite Horror movie slasher for example Freddy,Jason, Michael Myers, and Ghostface<p>

_Unfortunately…I must go out with him on jobs….he's so embarrassing..other than that..I would not be caught dead with that idiotic buffoon. Unless it is necessary for the stability of OUR shop._

_Mom. When it's bathtime._

Mom, when we have to clean our room.

_Mom. When she tells us to clean the shop._

Mom. When she makes us eat our vegetables.

_Mom. When the vase broke and it was ALL Cerberus' fault._

Mom. When it's bed time.

_..Yeah…pretty much just mom._

**LovesDevil  
><strong>Dante: Do you eat anything besides pizza and icecream  
>Vergil: what is your favorite food and flavor of icecream and favorite music :)<p>

Does…ice cream ON pizza count?

_You're soul with a side of caviar. Dante introduced me to strawberry sundaes and I like those. I don't always listen to music, but when I do, it's classical rock._

**xXxLadyColdxXx  
><strong>To vergil. - would u ever have a baby with a human? Are you a vergin?  
>To dante- what do u think of verges sexual life? Do u think women prefer u or verge?<br>Thx

_Would you ever have a child with a platypus?_

_I was..but Dante and our father fixed that. _There's a reason there's a stick up his ass!

..He's active when he really wants it..which…is surprisingly a lot. 

Women prefer me of course! Who else do you know that is this devilishly handsome! Did you look at that face…his mama must have been ugly. _–stares dumfounded at his brother and shakes his head- You're a moron._


	3. Taste the ass

**Dantes-Silent-Huntress  
><strong>Hah! Thanks for the answers, another question though, who was Spardas favorite? :L

_Obviously I was the favorite one._

-laughs- HAHAH! Good one bro, everyone knows that I was the favorite!

_You're suffering from dilutions again Dante._

My dilutions are fine thank you very much. I think that stick is so far up your ass it broke your thinking box there Verge. I was the old man's favorite!

-Nero walks in and points to himself- Question answered.

_-Both twins glare at Nero before drawing their swords-_

Nero: I-I think I hear Kyrie calling me ….AGAIN. –Runs away-

_-Both twins chase Nero-_

-Eva enters- To answer the question correctly, I am Sparda's favorite. As proof of my statement, if I wasn't then Dante and Vergil would not exist.

_-Dante and Vergil continue to chase after Nero, weapons drawn-_

**Loves Devil  
><strong>Thanks for the answers  
>More questions<br>Dante and vergil: Soo how often do u two get into fights  
>Is it tue that Sparda loves to drink tea<p>

We rarely fight actually.

_…What are you talking about Dante? We were just fighting over the last piece of pizza before answering these questions._

That wasn't a fight.

_Oh, what would you call it then?_

A creative discussion while violently expressing ourselves. ….besides it wouldn't have happened if you didn't take MY pizza.

_'Your' pizza? I was the one that paid for it because you cannot manage your money and owe that debt to Lady._

Hey, hey hey! No need to bring my debt into this! It was MY pizza!

_I paid for it with MY money. –draws Yamato-_

But on the car ride home you GAVE it to ME. –draws Rebellion-

_I ask for you to HOLD it while I drove, seeing as how you got your license taken away for breaking 20 laws in less than ten minutes last time you drove. –swings Yamato at Dante-_

-blocks with Rebellion before making a counter attack- What is with you and your need to bring up half my life issues? You GAVE me the pizza and I LET you have some when we got back to my shop. As a common courtesy the last piece always goes to the person the pizza belongs to.

_One, I let you HOLD the pizza. Two, it's OUR shop. Three, what the hell do you know about common courtesy? And lastly because it was MY pizza I had rights to the last piece. _–both continue to fight-

-Eva walks in and grabs both Dante and Vergil by their ears.- To answer your question Loves Devil, my sons fight about once every three hours. I even have a timer set to go off every three hours so I know when to come over break them up. –Smiles- Yes it is true that my beloved Sparda enjoys drinking tea. When Vergil was younger he wanted to be like his father so much he would copy almost everything Sparda did. Due to that, Vergil, even now, enjoys drinking tea as well. –Laughs lightly-

**Seif114**  
>I may own half the Verte account, but that doesn't mean that I don't have questions of my own for you two sexy devils. ;)<br>Dante + Vergil: Can I hear you guys impersonating the other?  
>Nero: What is it like to live and deal with the twins all the time?<p>

Can she really ask us a question bro? It seems a lil….i dun no… weird.

_We do owe her and GaeIggy for letting us do this on their account so it would be fair to answer the questions they have for us as well._

I guess your right. Besides, she did call me sexy.

_She called BOTH of us sexy. Learn to read._

-smirks- This is..RIDICULOUS! The stick has gone so far up my ass that I could be used as a puppet! A puppet obsessed with power and my father! I never show emotion to my amazing brother and slice his hand any chance I can get! The power of Sparda compels me! 

-raises a brow at Dante- Look at the 'sexy hot babe' over there eating a strawberry sundae! I'll do her and every other human female and abandon everything our father Sparda worked so hard to leave for us. AHHHH! I LOVE pizza! I want to roll my naked body all over it and have whores lick the sauce off! If I was as smart as by GENIOUS brother, Vergil, then I would know that cheese on pizza is hot! AHHHH~ IT BURNS SO GOOD!

Nero: I would rather live in hell, then again, the grumpy one lives there. –points to Vergil- I figured if I'm going to be stuck with one of them, let it be in a world that has strawberry sundaes and pizza.

Aww, don't tell me your still upset about Vergil ripping Yamato out of your arm when he found out I gave it to you kid.

Nero: Your stick up the ass brother made me have to get 15 stitches AND I had to keep my arm in that stupid cast again!

_Scum like you deserves no less. You are unworthy of its power._  
><strong><br>**Nero: and this is what I deal with daily. -eye twitches-

**Cereza101  
><strong>To Dante : I've read and seen pairings with you and Bayonetta. What would your reaction be to meeting her?  
>To Vergil: If you could go back in time to stop demons from killing your mom, do you think you and Dante would have a better relationship without trying to kill each other?<p>

Wait who's Bayonetta?

-A wild Bayonetta appears- Hello Sparda boys ^.~

Baby YEAH! – tackles Bayonetta, his tongue hanging from his mouth-

_No Dante NO NO down boy. Get off of the witch Dante DANTE! –takes out a slice of pizza- Here boy you want this?_

-head perks up-

_FETCH! –tosses pizza and Dante chases after it- I'm sorry for his behavior_

Bayonetta: Who says I didn't like it Handsome ^.~

_One would assume that having me and Dante growing up together with our mother would give us an opportunity for a better relationship, however you cannot fix –motions to Dante- stupid that easily._

…..wait a min...-

_We do not have a minute foolish little brother, on to the next question._

**serrenna  
><strong>I just want to know who you think the bigger mama's boy is?

-laughs- I'm the mama's boy….entirely…without a doubt. I love my mommy! –so making up for the previous question and calling Vergil's mother ugly-

_Keep kissing up Dante you're tongue's going to taste like ass. _

I'd like the taste of your ass on my tongue Vergil-kun~

_-death glares at dante-_


	4. Torture by Chocolate

Hey guys! Sorry we took so long to get back to you! 

_Dante was being lazy and wouldn't help me answer questions, I had to get mom to tell him to help._

I wasn't being lazy! I was hoping we would get more!

_Dante…I'm the only one that was checking the account for more…-rubs temples- Shall we begin?_

Alright..Alright..

**Cereza101  
><strong>T**o Dante and Vergil:  
><strong>**If you met Alucard from Hellsing, would you  
><strong>**A) try to kill him  
><strong>**B) get drunk with him  
><strong>**C) ask him if he's ever had aides from all the blood he drinks  
><strong>**D) Other**

Personally….I'd let Vergil handle it….cuz…I don't care. I want a sundae. That's what I'd do…introduce him to strawberry sundaes with blood on them.

_Why are you being such a pain lately? –growls as he shrugs then sighs- He's elegant and regal…but at the same time. He's insane. But..between Jester, Cerberus and Dante I'm used to insanity so, I believe I'd like to get to know him._

**LovesDevil  
><strong>**Dante: whatever happen to agni and rudra  
><strong>**Vergil: do you think agni and rudra are annoying as ****heck too? and have you ever played a prank on Dante  
><strong>**Nero: so why do u called Dante old man**

The talking dodo heads? God(Eva)..they talked more than me. I don't like when anyone talks more than me. I couldn't hear myself think! 

–vergil in the background "_you think?"-_

_Yeah…I think Verg…on occasion. When it counts…Anyways, I got 'em home, and Vergil was more annoyed than me…so he ducttaped their mouths shut after sewing them shut, yes, vergil sews, and locked them in the closet.I haven't checked on them since._

_Obviously I do, considering I lengths I went to, to get them to shut up. _

_Pranks…Well…I dressed up as Dante and pretended to be him…I called Dante Vergil the entire time. The end result was Dante having an identitiy crisis. Mom had to…step in._

_Nero: __Have you seen him? _

**Bubbly12  
><strong>**Um... Dante do you sometimes like Vergil more than the brotherly way? By that that I mean YAOI...  
><strong>**Also Vergil do you have a girlfriend? I hope this question isn't to personal but do you?**

Seriously! Has anyone actually READ the origin of Nero? IF anyone has, then they'd know that I do love my brother in that way. I love him. Shuddup. 

_Well…I…you know…Dante is a moron...and... _

_-dante in the background yelling "HE DOESN'T! YOU SHOULD GO OUT WITH HIM! HE NEEDS TO GET OUT MORE! HE KEEPS NAGGING ME ABOUT SOMETHING CALLED A JOB! IF HE'S GONE THEN I HAVE THE SHOP TO MYSELF! MAYBE YOU CAN LOOSEN THAT STICK UP! SERIOUSLY GO OUT WITH HIM! I'LL PAY YOU!"-_

_You realize you can't pay…you owe a debt to Lady._

Shut. Up. Vergil.

**KuroOkamii77  
><strong>**Dear Dante, Can pigs fly? I asked my mom for a laptop, and she answered "until pigs fly" I don't wanna get my hopes up.  
><strong>**And P.S: If it gets to difficult to answer, Vergil will be waiting to pierce Rebellion into your torso. It'll help ease your pain, you could burst into devil trigger and scream out your frustrations.  
><strong>**Dear Vergil, I'm trying to plot a way to kill Dante, what are your suggestions? Should I go for the instant kill, or the slow and painful method? Or perhaps torture him for the rest of his life? Care to help me?**

Ya know somethin KuroOkamii77? Me and V tried the same thing with our old man to get his swords, Rebellion and Yamato. Guess what we found? A loophole! ...well Verg found it, but thats besides the point. Technically, bacon and ham is pig. You can easily put a bag of either in a suitcase on a plane. When the plane takes off into the air, whala! A flying pig! You could also carry a pig stuffed animal on an air plane. It worked for us and we got our swords, maybe it'll work for you. When it comes to outsmarting parents, it's all about thinking outside the box. ;)

_Well...I've been thinking of ways to rid the world of my annoyance for a brother for years and years, so I've come up with some rather good ways. I could slice him up and put salt in his wounds...feed him poison birthday cake or throw him in a lake. i could bury him alive. But my best one yet is to tear his head off and sew it on backwards. ...Also, I watch 1000 ways to die. That's my inspiration._

-Dante cowers in the corner- "He scares me... a lot..."

**PeacefullyCrazy  
><strong>**QUESTION: Vergil, according to the DMC4 novel, you did it out with a prosty-tue and BOOM!, out came Nero. ****WHY?**

….actually, I would be able to answer that question PeacefullyCrazy.

_-raises a brow at Dante-_

Well you see….when Verge is gone doing god knows what, I like to dress as him and flip my hair back when I go out to Love Planet for….entertainment.

_-glares and draws Yamato-_

Come on V, don't get mad! –puts hands up surrendering- I do it as a favor to you so people will think you actually get some.

_You do it so you won't have to pay child support._

….I…I…how did you read me that easily?

_You're not only my TWIN but your easy to predict in general._

You'll still pay Nero's child support right bro? Your such a GENEROUS, KIND, GIVING –totally sucking up- big brother. You wouldn't leave your kid brother to pay it when I'm already in so much debt would you? –puppy dog eyes-

_It would seem that I have no choice but to pay it. If I do not I fear Nero will end up like all your goldfish….dead._

THANK YOU~~~~ -hugs Vergil's leg like a lil kid-

_AHHH! Get it off! Get it off! Where's the crowbar? –attempts to shake Dante off of leg- IT BURNS!_

Nero: …..-eye twitches- THERE IS NO WAY THAT THE OLD MAN IS MY DAD! I'D RATHER SPEND THE REST OF MY LIFE SAVING KYRIE EVERY TWO MINUTES THEN LIVE WITH THAT! I mean come ON! Look at that thing –points to Dante still on Vergil's leg, Vergil repeatedly stabbing Dante with Yamato in an attempt to break free- How can I be related to THAT?

**GaeIggy**  
><strong>Dumb Twins...I swear...you're both idiots...Dante more so than Vergil...but geez.<br>****Alright...my question isn't much of a question...more of a request...  
><strong>**HAVE AN ALL OUT BATTLE FOR ME!  
><strong>**Also...  
><strong>**To Dante- What is something we don't know about Vergil that you will risk telling us...  
><strong>**To Vergil- May I interest you in some chocolate?  
><strong>**To Eva- How do you deal with them!  
><strong>**To Nero- Why Kyria?  
><strong>**To Sparda- ...Don't you miss your family...?**

_Mom took our swords so we aren't allowed to fight. Mom says we caused too much trouble and broke things._

He sings in the shower, When he cleans and no one is around, he uses the broom as a microphone. He likes to sing! He has pink bath towels. Fuzzy bunny slippers, usues frilly flower girly bath products. Has rainbow curtains in his room. Goes gaga for kitties. OH, I went through his dresser drawer…and let me tell you what I found…It turns out Vergil…-

_-Vergil comes in and angerly clamps his hand over Dante's mouth-._

-as he's being dragged away, "steals underwear! From the girls I've slept with!"-

_-Vergil mumbles, "not my fault they leave them laying around.."-_

_Chocolate? Did you say chocolate? CHOCOLATE! CHOCOLATE! CHOCOLATE! Choooocccoooollllaaaatttteeee! CHOOOOOOCCCOOOOOLLLLAAAAATE! ! _

-dante hides under desk, "you're not supposed to mention the "C" word around Verg!"-

Eva: There are some days I just want to throw them off a cliff. There was a reason I was made a god.

Nero: Uhhh….no comment. I blame capcom.

Sparda: I watch them through my crystal ball and somedays I'm glad I'm not there. O_o On other days, when Vergil and Dante are laying down for bed…I wish I was there to say goodnight and then go in the other room and claim my woman.


	5. Sparkles and Rainbows

**Lohce Azrcy  
>It is my regret to inform you two that PeacefullyCrazy was murdered last week by two annoying, powerful demons that you both FAILED to kill, so I, her cousion, have to come up with the questions because you let her die. Shame on you.<br>So...  
>VERGIL: What did it, according to the novel that takes place before DMC, it feel like to know your younger seven? eight? year old brother was being held captive by Mundus in the AU?<br>**  
><span>"What?! Nooooooooooooooooooo!" –falls to floor on knees- "B-but I didn't get to sleep with her yet!"<span>

_"Dante," -Pinches bridge of nose- "Quiet that annoying screech that you call a voice and let me answer her question. If you assumed I would be 'sad' or 'upset' about my foolish brother being captured my Mundus, then you would be correct. I was 'sad' that I didn't think of paying a demon to do it sooner. I was also 'upset' that Dante found his way back."_

-scoots closer to Vergil while staring at him dead seriously- "Hey there Mr. Grumpy gills. I think someone needs a hug."

_"Dante, I swear to Sparda, if you touch me I will burn your My Little Pony towel." –Death glares-_

"Nooo! Not Princess Celestia!" –runs into bathroom to protect his towel.-  
><span>**  
><strong>  
><strong>Loves Devil<br>Eva: have the boys ever destroyed anything that you love?  
>To Vergil : if I make you a double chocolate cake can I get a hug and how many books have you read<br>Dante: have you ever threw a book at Vergil head or destroyed his favorite book  
><strong>  
>Eva: My makeup drawer, Vergil keeps getting into my hair products, Dante broke a necklace my beloved Sparda gave me, my sanity, My house, my purse and wallet, my mental stability, the living room floor…and the couch….that's now in the hole in the living room floor; Along with my womanly parts. Basically everything except their rooms; somehow. Is that enough or should I keep going?<p>

_-Tackles Loves Devil- "chocolate chocolate chocolate chocolate chocolate chocolate chocolate chocolate!"_

NO! BAD VERGIL! DOWN BOY! –grabs Vergil and pulls him off before proceeding to tie him up and gag him.- "Does NO ONE listen to me!? I said NOT to mention the 'C' word.

_-in background Vergil is rolling around on floor-_

Well, since big bro is now in no condition to answer questions until he calms down, I'll have to answer them. He's read SOOOOOOO many books! I swear! He's read like, three of the things! THAT'S LIKE A WHOLE LIBRARY! His favorite is War and Peace….though he only reads the war part. He's even read a dictionary that was as tall as I am! Ever wonder how V knows what he does? It's cause that dictionary! He knows 47 different ways to say 'kill', 35 ways to say 'murder', 59 ways to say 'I hate you', 358ways to say 'die', and 6 ways to say to say…." –gets cut off-

_-Vergil on the floor clawing at Dante's legs- chocolate!  
><em> 

-sigh- Great, He broke the rope. Now I need to find the chains! See what I have to deal with! **THIS** –points to Vergil- Is **Your** fault. Ya know what? If a demon attacks you like Peacefully Crazy I am NOT saving you. –CHAINS Vergil up, and locks chains together- As for your question, yes. Remember that HUGE dictionary? Well there's a reason it's not around anymore. He kept looking up different ways to say 'slice' and 'destroy' and 'enslave humanity'. So I thought I'd give him an example; so I cut the thing in half with Rebellion. Before he could attack me for destroying his book, I threw half of it at him before VERY, VERY quickly making a run for it.

**Bubbly12**  
><strong>I asked my friends this question that I got from the 30 minutes or less movie.<br>Vergil two psychoses kidnap you and strap a bomb on your chest which is c4 and you can't go to the police or you'll explode so your only choice is to rob the bank for them so they'll give you the code.  
>Would you let Dante help you?<br>Dante would you help Vergil with the situation?  
>By the way Dante would you go out in a date with Vergil?<br>**  
><span>I think V has calmed down enough to answer. –takes gag out, but keeps Vergil chained up-<span>

_To answer your question, no. I would not allow Dante's assistance. He would most likely end up getting both of us killed. Also, I'm the son of the legendary dark knight Sparda, who was one of the most powerful devils in existence. Do you honestly think that some human made explosive could kill me, let alone hurt me?_

I'd hate to admit it but Verge is right. Lady's shot me in the head and heart a lot and yet, it did nothing to me. Would I help him? It doesn't matter if I would or wouldn't, either way, he wouldn't let me. 

**NonameAnimeLover  
>To both: So... Who tops and who bottoms when things are getting... interesting? As in YAOI interesting...<strong>

_-Glares threateningly at Dante-_

-looking nervous- Well…..you see…..

_-Glare becomes more intense-_

-still nervous- Verge tops! I'm not saying any more on that topic!

  
><strong><br>Yaoitalesofawesome:**

**Haha! Love the story so far, alright so heres my questions.**

**Dante, how many times have you seen Vergil crying, do you two argue because you can't get along, or because you both care for each other? Or maybe a mix of both.**

**Vergil, would you kill me if I called you mommy? Also, what songs do you like to sing, plus...Tehehe...Would you like some, CHOCOLATE?**

***puts up spirit barrier*Good luck Dante, Nero, Sparda, and Eva**

**Nero, Sorry dude, that is your mom and dad, be glad they are so you won't ever really have the chance of being kidnapped or some ish(my censor for shit) like that, so, do you like Kyrie in that way or do you see her as a sister, and if you do see her as a sister, are you gay, bi or hetero?**

**Eva, I give props to you, hell hath no fury like a mother's scorned, that's really ironic, considering your boys are half demons and your husband is the legendary dark knight Sparda.**

**Sparda, what's your favorite tea?**

Babe, it's Vergil. He don't cry.

Nero: Does he even have tear ducts?

I'm not looking. –glances to Vergil who is death glaring both of them-

_Yes, I would, very much so._ _"I can't decide whether you should live or die~"_

-Cuts Vergil off- No, no NO! You sing the my little pony theme song and YOU KNOW IT! I have it on video!

_….Dante….That's YOU in the video singing the my little pony song. –Face palm-_

-quickly re-chains Vergil back up and re-gags him.-

_-Muffled screams of chocolate as Vergil roll around on the floor like a worm.-_

Nero: THEY ARE NOT MY PARENTS! I DISOWN EVEN THE THOUGHT OF THEM BEING RELATED TO IN ANY WAY SHAPE OR FORM! I WOULD RATHER BE RELATED TO THAT STUDDERING OAF FROM THE ORDER THAN EVEN ONE OF THOSE TWO! –points to Dante and Vergil who appear bored as Nero rants- AND FERTHER MORE-

-ONE HOUR LATER-

Nero: AND THAT IS WHY THERE IS NO POSSIBLE WAY THAT I COULD BE RELATED TO THEM!

Awwww~ Look what I found!

_Isn't that Nero's baby book?_

Yup! -opens book- look how cute his lil naked butt is~~~

Nero: -face becomes as red as Dante's coat as he snatches the book from Dante-moving on to the next question, I don't have any romantic ties to her and after Capcom made me play Mario in the fourth game with her I did grow a little attached to her so yes. I see her as a lil sis.

Eva: You have NO idea what I go through to survive. –eye twitch-

Sparda: Earl Gray is nice in the morning, though I do enjoy a cup of green tea every now and again. I also like spearmint and lemon tea. Do they make tea from devil stars? They should. Going back to the question, will so many wonderful tea's out in the human world, I couldn't pick just one. I love them all. 3

Eva, Dante, Vergil, Nero: -stares awkwardly-

**Cereza101:  
>Okay first of all I give props to you guys for ur...interesting responses<br>:D  
>Question<br>To Dante: if you could have anything in the world, what would it be? And why? If you could dare Vergil to do anything and couldn't say no, what would it be?  
>To Vergil: how did your obsession with chocolate start? Ive always thought of you as a person who would enjoy not so sweet food. If you were in a pie eating contest against Dante, would you win or him?<strong>

Unlimited sundae's for the rest of my (long) life, and Vergil making me pizza for the rest of my life. Life complete.

_-Vergil, still tied up and gaged, death glares at Dante-_

-Jumping up and down while waving hands in the air- OOOOOOOOOO! OOOOOOOOOOOOO! OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! I KNOWS! Well you see, it stared when we were kids and mom bought some hot chocolate mix. And well….to make a very long story short and to save your sanity, it ended with Vergil naked in a tub of hot chocolate.

_-Rolls into the back of Dante's legs, causing Dante to fall face first onto the floor-_

I'm not going to ungag Vergil to answer your last question because I have a feeling that he would start to yell at me. –mocking Vergil- "bla bla bla, you idiot, bla bla bla worthless, mortal loving, bla bla bla, power is everything, bla bla bla, you're ridiculous, bla bla bla," But so we won't leave your question unanswered, I would win. Because last time I offered him pie –back to mocking Vergil- "Why would I EVER wish to consume such a lowly disgusting mortal food?! It's nothing more than dough and sugar! Bla bla bla I would never defile my taste buds with such a repulsive substance. Bla bla bla mortal pastry bla bla bla revolting creations bla bla bla how is that even considered food bla bla bla"

Taiyoukai assassin:  
><strong>Funny story so damn funny! XD<br>To Nero: Who would you rather live with, Vergil or Dante? Ps: you have to choose one of them  
>A request to Sparda and Eva: Can I hug you both :3 I'm a nice fangirl<br>A request to Dante and Vergil: Can I pet your wings and hug you in trigger form? -Cute kitten eyes- Please, I'm a nice fangirl, I won't bite**

-releases Vergil-

_-hits Dante upside the head- That is for the previous question you answered_

Saw that coming_._

_Come now Dante, he would obviously want to live with me._

Don't be so sure of yourself. –looks to Nero- Come on Nero. You know you want to live with me. Come here.

Nero: Why would I want to live with ETHER of you two?!

_-scoffs- Your pathetic attempt to win over Nero is a disgrace befitting you Dante. Why would he want to live with you? I can give him power. He will become the prince of the underworld and all shall tremble and kneel before him and his glory. What do you have?_

…..I have pizza, sundae's and babes….

Nero: DANTE IT IS THEN! –walks over to Dante's side of the room-  
><strong><br>**-Eva and Sparda hug fan girl on both sides as sparkles and rainbows rain down from the heavens.-

_-Triggers and Bares fangs and growls-_

-Triggers and glomps and whispers in her ear- Don't do it. You may not bite but he does. I would hate if anyone but me left teeth marks in a hot babe like you.

~~~Author Notes~~~  
>Hey guys, Seif here. Long time no update I know. But me and GaeIggy spent ALL DAY working on these questions … and this is only half of the questions we let pile up on us. ^_^; We're hanging out again on Sunday so Dante and Vergil can (hopefully) finishing up your long awaited answers.<br>We also have a Deviant art account, where you can also read this and our other stories. :)  
>Thank you for your understanding and patents on our updates.<span><span>


	6. Kisses and REboots

Author's Note: GaeIggy here guys and gals, I'm sorry it's taken so long to get to the next chapter of this, er…interesting question set. Seif114 and myself have been VERY VERY busy, and a lot has been going on. I'm truly sorry for the wait. Lets get to it then, shall we?

** Seif114**

**This question goes out to everyone! :D Cause you're ALL awesome! (Dante, Lady, Vergil, Trish, Sparda, Eva, and Nero)  
>What are you guys(and girls) like drunk? You can NOT answer for yourself!<strong>

Dante: Wait, why can't we answer for ourselves! So not cool babe.

_Vergil:__ Quit complaining and just answer the question Dante._

Dante: Okay well, When Vergil is drunk..-thinks for a moment- Hang on a sec! –quickly ties up Verge- Okay, when Verge here is drunk, he sits in his room and cries about how he couldn't save his mother and how he really loves me and gets all clingy and lovey and that's just after 1 drink!

_Vergil -death glares at Dante- _

Nero: What about when you're drunk old man? You run around acting like Vergil. All prissy and high class, and nothing can be out of order!

Eva: When Sparda is drunk…well…he just seems to get rather horny. More so than usual…he even humped a mail box once..because..he thought it's blue color was beautiful..

Sparda: When Eva drinks..well, she..gets rather violent..

ALL: AND NERO ISN'T ALLOWED TO DRINK!

** painstakinglyclear**

**Dante: i dare you to go a whole 24 hours with no pizza, sex (includes hitting on anything with tits or a penis), no alcohol, and no strawberry sundaes.  
>Vergil: what would your ideal womanmate be?  
>Nero: do you ever feel like a power ranger?<strong>

_Vergil: -smirks- I am entirely happy to inform you that Dante could not complete this task. He accepted said challenge and broke within the first ten minutes…no surprise there. He's weak willed and cannot live without such necessities._

Dante: Verge tried it too…he couldn't get past the no strawberry sundaes part!

_Vergil: __-glares at Dante, face flushed- My ideal woman? I have no need for such things, foolish human._

Nero: What…why would I ever feel like a power ranger? I do not adorn myself in a spandex suit and fight bad graphics villains on a team with other spandex adorned beings.

** prettykittygoesrawr**

**Okay so this is more of a request, then a question but still...its for Dante and Vergil, so will you two kiss for me? PLEASE? And I don't mean like just a peck on the lips I mean like a REAL kiss. :D If you do then I give you both something you'll greatly enjoy! Dante I'll give you a lifetime supply of pizza and strawberry sundaes! And Vergil I'll give you my magical sword of extreme super powerfullness! Did I mention lifetime and that its powerfull?**

Dante: Hot damn babe, you might just make Verge kiss me without question with an offer like that!

_Vergil: -stares rather awkwardly at Dante, contemplating the request- Come here brother._

Dante: No way! VERGIL! You're seriously gonna do this! –approaches Vergil slowly-

-the following scene is censored-

-both Dante and Vergil break away from one another, breathless-

Dante: Where's my pizza babe?

_Vergil: If this sword of power is not given to me then I will kill you mortal woman._

** Loves Devil**

**Yay I was so happy when I got this updated  
>I'm sorry Dante for mention the C-word here 5 boxes of<br>pizzas for your troubles :) I hope were on good terms now  
>*fan girling inside I was tackle by Vergil yay*<strong>

Dante: -clings to the lovely fangirl as he eats the pizza-

_Vergil: At least that will keep him busy for a while.._

** LohceAzcry**

**Vergil, how does it feel like being a blonder version of Ken the Barbie doll who...(giggles) loves his brother and wants to...to...to (bursts out laughing) save humanity in the new DmC?  
>And as for Dante's little...thing related to my cousion...Well, don't forget I'm not the one who looks like a drug dealer on crack in my new game. : D<strong>

Dante: -steps back as Vergil devil triggers and draws Yamato- Uhhm…I'm not saving you babe..I don't get between Vergil and his prey when he devil triggers and it's not on me.

_Vergil: I will devour your soul! –attacks the woman-_

Dante: -keeps eating pizza-

** Darkis Shadow**

**Yaaay Vergie stop being mean and let me hug you! Thanks Sparda and Eva Dante, you bite me and I'll strangle you with Cerberus. Now for the questions  
>To all: How to you feel about the 'Dante' reboot?<strong>

Dante: How many times must we explain we do not die so easily?

Nero: You sound like Vergil old man.

Dante: I do not! I just don't get what they don't understand! Threatening our lives is easy, killing us isn't.

_Vergil: While they argue..let me answer your question..we do not approve of the new game. They, the creators of it, took measures to insult us in the game. While the game play itself is well planned out, we feel as if it would have been better as a game on its own, and not connected to the DMC story line. _

** Bubbly12**

**I'm posting this questioned today at 8/21/12 to say this and Dante please forgive me.**

**Vergil...CHOCOLATE! :Anne Boleyn from the Tudors appears holding two full filled boxes of chocolate: Vergil if you give Anne 100 kisses on the lips a new box of chocolate will appear. Two boxes of chocolate if you go out with Anne.**

**Dante you said you'll pay me to get Vergil out and have a date. I also wanted to distract Vergil to ask you this similar question without distractions. Who tops you or Vergil because I think you do since your more experienced.**

**Also Dante do you think Vergil would look sexy in a bunny outfit? Why or why not?**

Dante: I'm just gonna let Vergil go for this one. Have fun!

_Vergil: -pounces on the lady and starts to kiss her in between eating the chocolate- CHOCOLATE! CHOCOLATE! CHOCOLATE! –kisskisskisskisskisskiss-_

Dante: Vergil isn't interested in dating right now, he's fallen for the girl with the chocolate. Vergil tops only because he threatens to chop off my man hood if I dare try to top him. And..babe..it's Vergil…he looks sexy in anything.

** painstakinglyclear**

**Vergil: If I gave triple chocolate chunk cookies (like extra large size) can you tie up Dante and leave him on my doorstep? Three batches of cookies for Dante, as dozen each? Do we have a deal?**

_Vergil: I'd tie him up and leave him on your doorstep for free, just to rid myself of him. Doing it for chocolate on the other hand…he'll come gift wrapped, with no clothing._

** Akakakeshi**

**Hello! This is my first review so i'm little nervous.  
>Question to Vergil: Do you ever saw Dante cry? If you saw, do you comfort him?<br>Question to Nero: You are so cute. Can i hug you? -puppy eyes-  
>Question to Sparda: Can i hug you too?<br>Question to Eva: What can i give my twin brother on birthday?  
>Question to Dante: Can you kiss Vergil? Here, right now. Not like brother. If you know what i mean :D<strong>

Dante: Don't be nervous doll face~ -gives her a wink and a flirty smile-

_Vergil: Dante, down boy. No, I have never seen my brother cry..and why on this world would I ever comfort him?_

Dante: Aw..Vergil..don't you love me?

_Vergil: No. I don't. _

Nero: I, do not do hugs. –said as Kyrie is clinging to him-

Sparda: -hugs the fan person- Of course.

Eva: I wish so much to answer your question my dear but I do not know what your brother enjoys..forgive me. –steps back to stop the fight between Dante and Vergil-

Dante: If I can get a kiss from you first then I'll kiss him! ;)

_Vergil: I'm not letting you put your lips near me! You vile, disgusting, wretched, mortal loving, idiotic.._

-ends with Vergil still ranting-

AN: I hope you enjoyed this installment of Ask A Devil, I promise I won't let the following chapter go so long without being posted. As always, leave your comments –cut off by Vergil yelling- _IMBISOLE! YOU STUPID IMBISOLE! W_HY_ WOULD YOU EVER THINK PUTTING YOUR LIPS NEAR ANY PART OF ME WOULD BE ALRIGHT!? _-clears throat- Uhm, leave your comments and reviews and we will get to them when we can.


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